It’s apparent that Hollywood is running a little low on creativity, which is why the dreaded spinoff has reared its ugly head. The spinoff, of course, is something that can appear anywhere, in any medium, but since we’re a movie site, let’s take this week to focus on the worst spinoffs movies that have ever given us.
The only rule this week is that any spinoff must be a direct result from a previously released film, meaning a character, played by the original actor, got his or her own vehicle, or meaning the spinoff expanded on a previously defined universe. Even with our strict definition, there was a depressingly long list of crap to filter through, but in the end, we narrowed that list down to the top 10 worst spinoff movies ever created.
10. Beauty Shop- This spinoff never crossed my mind, but I suppose it was inevitable. Fresh of the critical successes that were Barbershop and Barbershop 2 came the uproarious spinoff for all the ladies out there. Critics across the country raved about its mediocrity and how it failed to live up the tremendous hurdles set before it by the Ice Cube films. Still, Queen Latifah refused to back away from the challenge set before her and gave us the modern classic, Beauty Shop. I for one have no idea why studios didn’t strike while the iron was hot and release that sequel with Queen Latifah battling a Vietnamese nail salon moving in on her turf.
9. U.S. Marshals- The Fugitive was a masterful piece of cinema that has graced our top 10 lists in the past. Unfortunately, U.S. Marshals didn’t live up to its predecessor, and it only has a place on a very specific type of top 10 list: The type that is essentially a bottom 10 list. The film follows the charismatic manhunters from the original movie, and that’s where the problem lies, because it’s two hours of watching a group of middle-aged white guys trying to communicate with each other. Of course, Oscar nominee Tommy Lee Jones is one of those guys, but not even his off-putting brand of Texas charm could salvage this horrible idea.
8. Alien vs Predator- Hey, I liked Predator, and I also liked Alien. So, why not make a movie with both? After all, there is empirical evidence that proves that you can combine two good things to make a great thing. Unfortunately, this was less chocolate and peanut butter, and more beer and roller coasters. Two of the greatest icons of science fiction are pitted against each other in a no-holds-barred match, and the damn thing is boring. To be fair, the sequel was far worse than the original, but that’s a whole other can of worms, and for the sake of this list, let’s just put them both under the AVP umbrella. You did a bad thing, Hollywood, and the only way you can redeem yourself is to give us some awesome films where Predator and Alien stay far away from each other (see Predators for details).
7. Evan Almighty- Hey everyone, remember how Steve Carell was in Bruce Almighty for about five minutes? Well, now that his name has enough legitimate draw for him to headline a feature film, let’s give him a spinoff. That’s right, Morgan Freeman returns to grant another comedian divine powers and watch from the shadows as he screws everything up. This time around, though, Evan finds himself with a mission to build a new ark for all the animals to board, which ends up ruining his political career. The moral of the story is that when God gives you a mission, it’s probably going to have a horrifying impact on your personal life. With Evan Almighty being one of Hollywood’s biggest bombs, even its disappointing predecessor looked good by comparison. Sorry, Evan, but Bruce was a little better at the whole “God for a Day” thing.
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