Your twice-weekly digest of selected news from around the entertainment world.

Volume I, Edition 5- The British make fun of bigger, stronger America’s intellect, and a movie about drugs, alcohol and debauchery proves them right at the American box office. All that, plus enough details on two bloody horror films to make your entrails jiggle! Read on.

Rooney Mara gets dragon tattoo, film gets red band trailer

Joseph Hunter (source)

Thanks to the brave efforts of one pirate, the world now has an unofficial red-band trailer for David Fincher‘s upcoming Americanization of the 2009 Swedish film The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (based on the book, et cetera, et cetera…), starring Daniel Craig, Stellan Skarsgård and Rooney Mara. Set to Led Zeppelin‘s epic “Immigrant’s Song,” about the land of the ice and snow, the trailer features quick and vibrant Fincher-esque cuts that include such mundane things as a man slowly taking off his glasses in awe of something and a man sitting bloodied on a bathroom floor.

Conspiracy theorists suggest that, as the supposedly illegal, low-fi trailer has not yet been taken down, Sony did this on purpose. But we all know that’s impossible.

McAvoy: British don’t think very highly of Americans

Patrick Sessoms (source)

This week X-Men: First Class star James McAvoy became one of our favorite Brits when he accused British filmmakers of dumbing down movies for American audiences. Sky News quotes the thespian as saying:

“We dumb our movies down because we want Americans to understand them. Then Americans watch them and go, ‘This is a really unsophisticated dumbed-down movie. Why would we buy this? Why do we like this? We don’t. So it’s like we’re patronising them and short changing ourselves. And the irony of it all? Do we make movies just for America? Yeah, of course we do. We make loads of movies that try and hit in America, and yet it’s never the ones that were aimed at America that do well.”

Sure we may watch cars drive around in circles for hours hoping that one of them might crash, and yeah we watch shows where New Jersey socialites dry hump each other in Miami…. O.K., I have no idea where I’m going with this.

‘Hangover’ stars sucking at mysteriously fresh teat as ‘Part III’ rumors swirl

Joseph Hunter (source, Amsterdam rumor; source, record-breaking weekend)

Riding on the coattails of a record-breaking Memorial weekend, the stars of The Hangover and scene-for-scene remake, I mean sequel, The Hangover: Part II have begun speculating that the franchise’s not-even-rumored third installment could (and logically should) take place in Amsterdam.

What’s not surprising is that these rumors would surface so soon after the most profitable Memorial Day weekend in American cinema history, garnering some $275 million, of which nearly half came from The Hangover. What is perplexing, though, is that Americans would spend that much money to watch the less-funny version of a movie they can get for free any time with a valid Netflix subscription. And what’s most disheartening is that in about two years, The Hangover: Part III will do just as well with the same jokes written by even less-funny people.

‘Uncharted’ movie loses it’s star… and director

Patrick Sessoms (source)

Looks like video game fans wont get a chance to see Oscar Award-nominated director David O. Russell take on the Uncharted franchise. Which may or may not be a bad thing. Fans of the series have been vocal in the past about whether he would be the right person to take on the series, and now it looks like they’ll never get a chance to know. However, now that Russell has walked away, it looks like Mark Wahlberg has followed in his footstep, leaving the film without a director or a star. With the unsuccessful translation video games have seen to the silver screen in the past, does this bode will for the film? All we can do is hope that someone competent gets a chance to take over the project. Don’t worry, game fans, I’m sure one day you’ll get a movie adaptation that isn’t Super Mario Bros.

‘Piranha 3DD’ producer calls film “outlandish.”  We don’t know what that could even mean.

Patrick Sessoms (source)

Anyone who saw last summers Piranha 3D knows that it was an amazing bag of crazy. With ridiculous death scenes that were both hilarious and gory, it brought smiles to even the most jaded horror fan’s face. However, film producer Joel Soisson had this to say about the upcoming Piranha 3DD (yeah we think the title is amazing too):

“This one is so outlandish in places. I hope it works because it really pushes all the boundaries slightly pushed in the first one.”

If you didn’t squeal a little with delight after reading that, then you might be happy to know that the film includes the likes of David Hasselhoff, Ving Rhames, Gary Busey and Christopher Lloyd. The film is slated for a November release and we couldn’t be happier about it.

Two ‘Hobbit’ movies equal one regular-person movie, figures Peter Jackson

Joseph Hunter (source)

The long-awaited Peter Jackson-directed Hobbit movies finally have names and release dates. An Unexpected Journey will come out Dec. 14, 2012, and the followup There and Back Again will be released one year later on Dec. 13, 2013. The series is set some 60 years before the beloved Oscar-winning Lord of the Rings trilogy and (we’re told) follows Bilbo Baggins as he saves the Dwarf Kingdom of Erebor from the evil dragon Smaug. We’re too busy riding in our convertibles and playing sports to know what any of that means, but we assume you nerds will care about this.

Parody mirrors reality for ’Hawkman’

Patrick Sessoms (source)

Last week Facebook exploded with a parody video in which superheroes celebrate Green Lantern’s new movie at a bar, until a winged hero shows up and makes things a little too “hawkward.” However, Warner Brothers decided to give the video the metaphorical finger when a Hawkman movie popped up on On the Grid with two tiny words posted under it: “In Development.” That’s right, folks, Carter Hall may be getting his own movie. The only real question is, “Why?”

Aren’t there more deserving heroes out there who deserve their own movie first? Especially from DC, which isn’t exactly known for their silver screen presence. While we appreciate the effort of them trying to branch out, shouldn’t fans get a Flash movie first?  Or at least one for Aquaman or Wonder Woman? We’re not too worried, because “In Production” doesn’t really mean much. After all, a quick look around IMDb will show about 10 Marvel movies that have been in production for years. So, if you are one of the two Hawkman fans out there, we’re sorry, but it might be a while before you get to see this movie.

‘Law and Order: SVU’ loses a lead

Patrick Sessoms (source)

For anyone who has turned on USA at any point of the day knows, there is a crime drama Law and Order: SVU. Well, it looks like lead Christopher Meloni has walked away from the series after contract negotiations fell through for the upcoming 13th season. Apparently, producer Dick Wolf is scrambling to find a star to replace him.

With the cancellation of the original Law and Order, the continuation of the series fell on the shoulders of SVU. While Meloni might be out, co-star Mariska Hargitay is still on board, at least for now. With her new child, it looks like she may not be back after this next season. Which means that producers are going to be forced to deal with finding a replacement for her as well. Right now, rumors have Jennifer Love Hewitt replacing Margitay, but nothing has been set in stone. The only thing for certain is that the faces of SVU are changing, which will upset the people who rely on the marathons to get through the day.

Wait, a horror movie remake?  How original

Patrick Sessoms (source)

In a stunning twist, the film Hellraiser is getting a remake by director Patrick Lussier (the man behind the inexplicably well done Drive Angry 3D). While nothing has been set in stone about Pinhead’s return to the silver screen, Lussier did have this to say:

“The movie is going to be extremely violent. It’s undoubtedly going to be a hard R rating. We are still toying with the idea of whether or not to shoot in 3D. It’s really up to the studio to make that decision, but such discussions have taken place. Right now Todd [Farmer] and I are mainly focusing on the story while the powers-that-be decide.”

While he might still be playing his cards close to the chest, there is something strangely comforting in his words. Could this be a legitimate remake? Only time will tell, but until then we’re going to keep our fingers crossed.

PLUS! The Newsroom Leftovers

Real nonsense compiled by James M.

  • Middle Earth: Worker singes nose hairs in drilling accident (source)
  • Florence, Italy: “Snooki” Polizzi lays two police officers out on stretchers (source)
  • England: Collector discovers old Chaplin film so obscure, even Chaplin didn’t know about it (source)
  • Marmaduke screenwriters reunite for mathematics-themed romantic comedy (source)
  • Desperate for cash, PBS does the unthinkable (source)


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